I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
