i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
