If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize