I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
