did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
nutella sex= disaster
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
