walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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