it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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