And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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