I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize