yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
