Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
