whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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