I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
