he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
