Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
