Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
