Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize