i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
