I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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