so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
