At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
