I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize