I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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