I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
