dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Still dying that you shit outside
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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