I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
