I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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