Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
