Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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