hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
