If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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