All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it hurts more in the daytime
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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