Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
