I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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