I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
