How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
