Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
