Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
