A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
