batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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