Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
