She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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