It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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