I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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