this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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