need another drink. this is the easiest way
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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