Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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