there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
