Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
