I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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