you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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