I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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