My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
