I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize