Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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