people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
