Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
