This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
