Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
