I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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