oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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