I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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